"Hijab is defined as the obligation that Muslim men and women have to practice modesty in certain areas of our lives with the most well-known being the way we dress. For a Muslim woman, the covering of her body sometimes includes what you see me wearing here today: a headscarf, commonly known as “the hijab” with the slang term “hijabi” referring to a woman who wears a hijab. And, the reason that I specify this as a “sometimes” thing is that, like in all religions, it’s always up to the individual on what they choose to practice. Even the specific parameters on what is supposed to be covered and in front of whom is up to interpretation, but the usual idea is that you cover your hair in front of men who are not related to you. In the end, choosing to wear a hijab full time is a decision that comes down to a woman’s personal relationship with God." Since around the age of 7, I remember making it a goal of mine to wear hijab full time. Neither my mother nor my sisters had ever worn it outside of religious situations, but I had seen the women in my community adopt it as part of their everyday attire. It was something so beautiful to me: a representation of the religion, culture, and values of a woman all tied together through her personal style. My time at the mosque had always been a comforting environment, so being able to take that part of my life with me everywhere I went seemed enchanting. As early as 2nd grade, I was dressing up my Barbie in makeshift headscarves and modest clothing. I fell in love with the beauty of her classic blonde hair and blue eyes just like many other young girls, but I saw more value in changing her from how she was presented to me. It wasn't about becoming like her; rather, it was about making her the woman I wanted myself to "grow up" to be. "In 7th grade, I was halfway finished with memorizing the Qur’an and earning the title of hafiza. It had been a dream of mine for a while, and when I got to that halfway point, I realized that there was no going back for me. Religion would always be a priority in my life, and really the next big step to commit myself to this relationship with God was wearing hijab full time. " The winter of my 7th grade year, I began what I called "Project Hijabista". It was my extremely organized, week by week plan to accomplish my goal of wearing hijab by spring break. The term "hijabista" was a combination of "hijabi" --- woman who wears the hijab --- and "fashionista" --- an avid follower of fashion. I didn't want my modesty to sacrifice my style, or my style to sacrifice modesty. For months, I watched hijab tutorials, read hijabi fashion blogs, and began piecing together outfits that I could wear when the time finally came. If you ever get your hands on my diary from that year, I hope you the chance to see the little drawings I made of all the different hijab styles. To say the least, they're detailed. I think the toughest part of this whole plan was simply telling my parents about it. I remember pushing it to the latest possible date that my plan allowed for. We were sitting in the car, on our way home after they had picked me up from Qur'an class. I had trouble just getting the words out of my mouth, but I finally said it. To my surprise, they had some hesitations, and I think that was when I realized what I was really getting myself into. In my optimistic bubble, I had forgotten to think about the hardships that would come from wearing a scarf on my head for the whole world to see. They were worried about my safety and how I would be treated when I, without saying a word, would be telling this Islamophobic world that I am a Muslim. It was a valid point, supported, of course, by the rising number of anti-Muslim hate crimes. As history tells you, I ended up deciding that this goal was something greater than the fear of what might happen. My first memory of wearing the hijab outside of home/the mosque was of going to Yogurtland after Taraweeh prayer. I remember telling my parents that I just didn't want to uncover the messy hair that was hiding underneath the scarf; but, really, I just wanted to see what is was like. We were in a group and my hijabi cousin was there too so I felt like I had enough of a team for backup. The result of my little taste of the hijab: I felt really happy about it, but it wasn't a big deal to anyone else. My second memory of wearing the hijab outside was on Easter Sunday, April 2012. At this point, my parents knew of my plans and wanted me to get a feel for it before I got back to school after spring break. So, my mom and I decided to go shopping. However, being Muslim, we were oblivious to the fact that it was Easter Sunday so only a few stores were even open. But the nerves had built back up since my first experience, and I just remember sitting there, freaking out about wearing my hijab even in the car. Eventually, I did get some real practice when wee went to the mall the following weekend. I could feel the stares of every Forever 21 employee as I sifted through the racks. The strange looks definitely took some getting used to. "On April 16th, 2012, I wore a headscarf to school for the very first time. I was scared out of my mind at what people would say about me, but at the same time, I was comfortable. I got to take the love of my community at the mosque and the inspiration of the Qur’an with me everywhere I went. My bright and sometimes multicolored scarves became a symbol of empowerment for me. Hijab is a choice I make every single day of my life and never once regret." That brings me to present day: my 5-year hijab anniversary, or "hijabiversary", as I like to call it. I think the one thing wearing hijab has really taught me about is beauty. Often times, people will say that wearing a headscarf and dressing modestly like Muslim women do is a way to hide their beauty. The truth is that it's really about changing the conversation on what beauty is. "...my beauty does not lie solely in my hair. Beauty is beyond physicality-- I’m not any less pretty without my body, and I’m allowed beauty regardless of it. To me, wearing hijab is a reminder that my beauty is in what I learn, how I grow, the world that I create around me." I think after 5 years of experience, I am now officially credited to give advice. So, to anyone who wants to wear hijab full time, I would give two recommendations: make sure your heart is in it, and don't forget why you wear it. Without those two things, you're going to find yourself struggling through even the smallest of questions or shortest seconds of self-doubt.
5 years later, and I can still say that there is nothing I would change in the decision I made. Through thick and thin, for better or for worse, my headscarves are forever pinned to me.
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